How to avoid (or at least reduce) the motherhood penalty: 10 tips to keep your career on track

While no amount of “leaning in” is going to single-handedly dismantle a system that wasn’t built for moms, there are ways to protect your career, hold your ground, and keep moving forward. These tips aren’t magic, but they are doable. Think of them as tools, not solutions — because the system is still the thing that needs fixing, not you.

1. Build your village at work (yes, even virtually)

Relationships matter. Build connections not just with your immediate team, but also with colleagues in other departments, mentors, and allies who can vouch for your work when you’re not in the room. 

Keep in touch. Drop into Slack channels. Schedule that 20-minute coffee Zoom. The more visible and connected you are, the harder it is for you to be sidelined.

Try this: Start a biweekly virtual “coffee break” with other working parents in your company. It creates support and reminds everyone you’re a key part of the culture.

💙 Making connections can be tougher than it seems. Tamara Levitt’s Relationship with Others series gives you the tools you need. 

2. Document your wins like a lawyer prepping for court

Motherhood has a sneaky way of making you second-guess your value at work, especially if you’re running on no sleep and reheated coffee. So keep a brag file. Record accomplishments, kind feedback, successful projects, and anything else that proves you’re still crushing it.

Try this: At the end of each week, jot down one concrete thing you did well. It makes performance reviews easier and helps combat imposter syndrome.

3. Negotiate like your future self is watching

Your pay, your title, your flexibility — it’s all up for negotiation. Even if it feels awkward or “too much,” remember, dads aren’t hesitating to ask for more money after a baby. Why should you?

Try this: Practice what you’ll say with a friend or coach. Lead with data and keep it clear: “Given my contributions to X, I’d like to revisit my compensation.” Confidence is key.

4. Set boundaries that protect your time (and sanity)

Saying yes to everything is a fast track to burnout. It’s okay to log off on time. It’s okay to decline a 5pm meeting when you have to get home to prep dinner. Holding a boundary doesn’t make you unprofessional.

Try this: Use your out-of-office auto-reply creatively: “I’m offline after 5pm. I’ll respond by 10am tomorrow.” It’s clear, kind, and firm.

💙 Chibs Okereke’s Shut Down Routine can help you transition from work to family time.

5. Normalize your reality — out loud

There’s power in honesty. When you share your reality without apologizing for it, you make space for others to do the same — and you remind people that moms are still professionals. Display your kids’ artwork in your office. Don’t minimize your needs. You’re not less competent because you’re a caregiver.

Try this: If you’re late to a meeting because daycare called, say so. “Sorry, daycare called. Thanks for your patience.” No shame required.