Tonglen meditation FAQs

What is the Tonglen meditation technique?

Tonglen is a compassion practice that teaches you to turn toward pain with an open heart instead of trying to dodge, numb, or outthink suffering. You can do this technique by using your breath and by visualizing inhaling suffering—like a cloud or mist—and exhaling relief and love.

This practice is about softening the boundaries between “me” and “you” and showing up with presence rather than avoidance.

Can you do Tonglen for yourself?

You can do Tonglen for yourself, and actually, starting with yourself can be one of the most powerful ways to practice. We tend to be way more generous with others than we are with ourselves, but self-directed Tonglen is like telling yourself that you see your pain and that you care. 

It might feel awkward at first, especially if self-compassion isn’t your strong suit (these five tips can help), but with practice, it can become a way to stop abandoning yourself in tougher moments. 

Plus, most of the time, the more compassionate you are to yourself, the more authentic and sustainable your compassion can be for others.

What is the difference between Tonglen and Loving-kindness meditation?

Loving-kindness meditation (or metta) is like sending well-wishes from your heart — it’s an expansive practice that radiates warmth. Tonglen, on the other hand, is a bit grittier. Instead of broadcasting positivity, you’re engaging directly with suffering and breathing it in. Then you send out relief.

If Loving-kindness is like lighting a candle for someone, Tonglen is like sitting beside them in the dark, offering your breath and presence. Both can be valuable, but Tonglen just gets a little closer to the pain.

What is the most powerful Buddhist meditation?

Different types of Buddhist meditations can be powerful in different ways to a whole range of people. It really depends on who you are. 

Oftentimes, Tonglen is described as one of the most emotionally transformative practices in Tibetan Buddhism. It’s not flashy, and there are no mantras to memorize. Some people find Tonglen powerful because of its radical willingness to meet suffering head-on with courage, heart, and zero performance. 

That said, Tonglen might not be the best fit for every moment, especially if you’re feeling raw or overwhelmed (try one of these 12 tips to find relief instead). But when you’re ready to meet pain with love instead of fear, it can be quietly revolutionary.

Is it normal to feel resistance to breathing in suffering?

It’s very normal and honestly expected to feel resistance to breathing in suffering. We’re built to dodge pain, not inhale it. So when Tonglen asks you to visualize taking in emotional heaviness, it can trigger all kinds of internal alarms like fear, tightness, and mental pushback. 

To not overwhelm yourself when you’re first starting out, begin with smaller and less charged situations. Aim to stay grounded in your breath, and if something feels too intense, pull back. You can always shift your visualization or even start with something symbolic, like breathing in a color that represents discomfort rather than directly picturing someone’s pain. 

Tonglen is about meeting pain with compassion in a way that feels sustainable and safe.