Comfortable with silence FAQs

Why do I feel awkward when it’s silent?

Silence can poke at our insecurities. For example, if there’s a long pause in a conversation, you might worry that things aren’t going well or that you’ve lost the other person’s attention. 

Culturally, people tend to associate silence with tension or rejection, especially because noise is typically treated like a connection. Also, on a deeper level, silence often forces people to feel, and if you’ve been avoiding certain emotions, that quiet can feel especially uncomfortable. 

How can I stop the urge to fill silence in conversations?

If you have the urge to fill the silence, try to practice tolerating pauses and breathing through them. Aim to let someone pause before responding, and if there’s a lull, just notice it and try to stay curious instead of panicking. 

You don’t always need to fill the silence. That moment of quiet might just be a sign that someone’s thinking or simply comfortable enough to take a breath. 

What does it mean when you’re comfortable in silence with someone?

Usually, it means you’ve found someone whose presence doesn’t require you to “be on.” Being comfortable in silence together can be a quiet kind of intimacy that shows that the two of you are good, even when you’re not talking. 

Trusting that the connection you share with someone doesn’t always need words is special. It can show just how deep of a bond the two of you have.

Do people with ADHD struggle more with silence? 

People who experience ADHD may struggle more with silence because it worsens their racing thoughts and restlessness. It can also feel jarring and irritating. (However, for other people, the absence of external stimulation can help reduce overwhelm.)

If it’s hard for you to be in silence, try approaching it gently. You could start off with soft ambient sound and then gradually ease into moments of full quiet when it feels safe. Also, try to remind yourself that there’s no “right” way to do it. Just whatever works best for you.

Why do I feel better in silence?

You might feel better in silence because your nervous system can finally relax. Silence can give your brain a break from processing stimuli and your emotions a chance to settle. 

You can also carve out more space to think, to feel, and to breathe in ways that the noise just doesn’t allow. Many people don’t even realize how much noise they’re absorbing until it stops.